girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
