I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize