There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
