Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
