I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
