Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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