Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
