Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
