If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
