I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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