i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I faked an abortion last night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
