I think I died a long time ago.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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