Only a mothe r could love this liver
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
