When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
