Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
PANTIES FOUND
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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