the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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