Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize