jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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