you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
