there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You took a bar mat shot.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
