I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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