college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
