im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I stole a fireplace last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
