I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
