i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
