I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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