You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
