I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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