Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize