She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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