Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
