I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize