I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
