Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
