the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
