you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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