I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
