i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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