I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
