why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
