This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
