are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
