I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
