I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You can't motorboat a personality
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
