Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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