Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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