Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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