Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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