There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
