Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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