so that wasnt chicken after all
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
