Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
