So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
