Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize