He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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