dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
