Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
