you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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