you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
