Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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