end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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