Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
