My underwear smells like fireworks.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
