she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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