He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Randomize
