i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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