Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
