There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
