Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
