You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
