I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
