epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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