just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
