I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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