someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
