if i can run in heels then i can drive
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
