i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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