It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
