I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
