After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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