Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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