you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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