I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
