I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
