great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
