there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
