I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize