New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
