he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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