So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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