I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
