She said her name was "party"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
