Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
