I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
