This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
