I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
