I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
