remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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