I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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