my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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