I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
