Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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