I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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